To help you become more comfortable
when calling a Professional Dominatrix for the first time I have gathered
together some information to think about before you call.
Determine
what you need in a Dominatrix:
Think about what are the
most important qualities you would like to find in a Mistress. Consider
all elements, such as personality, physical appearance, and style of play.
Some Mistresses are friendly, compassionate, and have a flexible play style,
while other Mistresses are distant, haughty, and unyielding in their play
style.
Decide what type of relationship you want:
Go over your history to
determine what fundamental characteristics you need for a successful encounter.
Do you like short term, anonymity by seeing a new Domme every week? Or
do you prefer a long term personal interaction with a Mistress?
Know what your questions regarding the content of a
session are:
Write them down if necessary
so as not to get confused or flustered during your
conversation. Make a list
of your likes and dislikes. Pay attention to your fantasies, if you fantasize
about a certain fetish frequently, chances are you would enjoy it in session.
Organize your list into things that you know you like, are willing to try,
and do not want to do. Determine your limits using this list. Be realistic
with yourself and your Domme when you make these decisions, you will not
impress your Domme by overstating your limits. And most importantly don't
say "you can do anything you want with me, Mistress" because that is an
open ended statement and it is not only unbelievable but unrealistic.
Be specific:
When describing your interests,
do not hesitate to give a complete description of what you are looking
for. She will not placate you or try to drag your interests out of you.
If you cannot verbalize your interests She will most likely tell you She's
not interested.
Don't leave anything out
because you are embarrassed or scared, thinking the Mistress would lose
respect for you, in most cases the more details the better the session
can be for both of you.
When you call:
Of course you will be
nervous when you call, that is expected, everybody is nervous. Just take
a breath, make the call and keep these points in mind:
Introduce yourself before you start asking questions. Nobody likes to have to interrupt rude
callers to find out whom they are speaking to.
If you decide not to use
your own name, choose something unusual instead of Bill, Joe, or Rob. These
are very common names. It may be to your advantage to make up something
a little more unusual yet easy to remember.
Call at a decent time.
If there are hours posted somewhere in Her advertising stating when would
be the best time to call, listen.
When speaking to a Dominatrix
ask if She is seeing new clients, tell Her what your interests are. You
may have questions about Her experience level, Her interests, hours, the
tribute, etc. However, don't try to get Her to say She does certain things,
such as allow release, golden showers, dildo training or CBT. These activities
are illegal and She may deny that She does them. You may indicate your
interest in those areas however, I do not allow any of the aforementioned
activities to take place, Period.
Remember that She using
this time as an evaluation of you so don't keep Her on the phone with repetitive
questions or idle chitchat, let Her know that you respect and value Her
time.
Go ahead and tell Her
your secret desires, even if you feel embarrassed. She has probably heard
it all before and as previously stated, the more details the better your
session will be.
Don't hang up when She
answers the phone or call just to hear Her voice. She probably has caller
ID or *69 to call you back, and it will likely make Her angry with you.
Don't make an appointment
if it sounds like you won't like Her, or you seem mismatched.
Don't book an appointment
if your not sure you can make it or you are doubtful.
If you can't keep your
appointment, call to cancel as soon as possible. She will appreciate it
because no shows cost money when She books an appointment for you.
Call to confirm the appointment
as instructed. Be on time.
What to expect and what NOT
to expect in session:
When the door is answered,
the Mistress may answer in street clothes. Leave any expectations behind.
She may have you fill out a questionnaire about your likes and dislikes.
You may be required to pay the tribute up front. She should give you a
safe word (a word that will let her know you can't take more of the same)
before she starts to play. Behave according to Her directions. Don't be
unrealistic in your expectations. Chances are the session will not match
your fantasies perfectly. And definitely do not suggest a line-by-line
script. Be open to her and let her do her thing, you might find it better
than your script.
Realize that when
a Mistress says "no sex" she truly means it in the broadest interpretation.
Know that she won't be taking off her clothes, dancing, massaging, or letting
you kiss intimate body parts. Go see someone else for these activities.
How to ensure an invitation to return:
Be clean, respectful and
obedient. If you really want to make an impression, bring Her something
as an offering such as a gag, blindfold, scented candle or flowers. Go
over your likes and dislikes so that it is fresh in Her mind. You can bring
notes about your interests, but do not be offended if She does not read
it or asks you to read it yourself. Use your safe word if she has pushed
beyond your limits, a good Domme will appreciate the input without being
threatened. Don't try to impress Her by surpassing your limits. Understand
that She may have another client waiting so don't hang around so long that
She has to come out and tell you about her next appointment. Offer to help
Her straighten up. Demonstrate your gratitude by telling Her how great
the session was and that you would appreciate the opportunity to see Her
again.
Proper follow up to your session:
Afterwards, you may want
to write down your impressions, and again a few days later to fully assess
your reactions. Sometimes you will find activities that were unpleasant
in session, are actually exciting afterwards. This is a common experience.
Some BDSM is highly anticipated before, despised during, and relished after
the act. That is a part of masochism doing things that you don't like.
Evaluate whether you
want to see Her again and figure out the positive and negative elements
so that you can pass that information on to the next Mistress you see,
whether it is Her or someone else. When you call again don't be vague saying
"Hi, it's Bill." There are a lot of guys named Bill, remind Her of who you
are by name, appearance, what you did in session without Her having
to ask.
Many Thanks to
Mistress
Simone for the wonderful guideline ideas.